I get asked why I kept my pregnancy quiet for the first 2 trimesters. My mom always told me to be cautious with pregnancy announcements especially before the 1st trimester is over. The first 3 months are the riskiest for most women who are carrying. Telling my close relatives and best friends about the good news was more than enough for me. I needed time to cherish and adjust to this new change, but now I feel ready to talk about it.

I don’t know if the ‘culture’ is the same in other countries, but it’s quite a common thought that most couples are expected to get pregnant pronto after marriage here in Malaysia, especially amongst the Malay community. I kept getting asked ‘dah ke belum‘, ‘so bila due‘ and ‘are you pregnant yet‘ just weeks into my marriage. It was annoying. These questions, in my view, are pretty intrusive. I felt like it was none of their business and how could you ask someone such a private question?

Thing is, I knew I could handle these questions, I expected them. But the thought that kept lingering in my head was, what if these questions were directed to someone who is having trouble conceiving? to someone who isn’t well or can’t conceive at all? or have miscarried before or doesn’t want children? What if questions like these are directed towards couples who have been married for far longer than you think but still no baby? Do people think before saying anything anymore?

I went to an open house during one of the festive seasons and I was only a few weeks pregnant then a woman, who isn’t even a relative, grabbed my tummy and asked me ‘dah ada ke?’. And when I say tummy, I mean somewhere slightly above, scarily near my crotch. I felt so invaded. Also, at the same open house, a lady my age asked me if I was already pregnant, because according to her my face and body looked puffy. In other words – fat.

Giiiiiiiirl, who you calling puffy?!

Aside from this lovely commentary, she also smirked and said I got pregnant really fast. Thanks a lot, didn’t know maths was one of your forte.

Even though I was in disbelief with the remarks, even though I genuinely felt like choking her, I had to reluctantly admit that I was pregnant, even though I wasn’t ready then (Doctor suspected it wasn’t a healthy pregnancy at that time). Humph! Things people say to find out if you’re really pregnant and make you feel like s*** about it.

Regardless of being puffy or not, when you’re body is going through changes that you have no control over, and your body is changing for the sake of this beautiful gift that God gave you, you really don’t need anyone reminding you that it’s changing. I know it’s changing, I can feel it, I see it everyday, I mean, for goodness sake it is I who is carrying the extra weight! No one needs to tell me what I look like, I know.

Thing is, in the unrealistic world of people getting pregnant and looking fabulous as ever, isn’t the case for most women, especially me. So when I have people telling me ‘eh your backside grew bigger la’ and ‘eh dah naik badan la’ and that I should diet after I give birth, I feel like shoving socks down their throats.

Thank goodness neither my parents, husband, close family members and friends don’t feel compelled to make such rude remarks during my pregnancy. Words can’t describe how supportive and lovely they’ve been during this journey.

But I get it, people ask because they’re curious, some of them care, some of them want to feel good about themselves, but I know some just say things for the sake of saying. I guess this is one of the blessings of having someone growing in you, you learn something about yourself and others everyday, you develop more tolerance towards unnecessary bulls*** and most importantly, your focus is on yours and the baby’s health.

Nothing else matters, so if people want to talk, let them talk. Say lah whatever you want to say. My baby and I are much better than that, and we will always be.

Kinda feels good to rant.

Disclaimer: Pictures are from Google Images. All content from this blog and this post is of personal view of the author.