I found out I was pregnant with Baby Bean during the first week of Ramadhan. The signs were there:

1. My period was late – which is the only thing about me that is punctual.
2. My boobs felt so bruised- like I imagine if that character Negan from the Walking Dead had to beat me up with his bat, yeah, that painful
3. I felt like sleeping ALL THE TIME: Seriously, all the time. Mouth open, saliva everywhere, sleep in the bathroom also can (attractive huh)

But I took many pregnancy tests and they were all negative.

I wanted to wait a while before going to the doctor to get a blood test but Joe urged me to hurry, just to make sure I was alright. I was afraid. What if I was not pregnant? What if all these signs are just ways of teasing me.

The doctor said I was definitely not pregnant since I took more than 1 pregnancy test and they were all negative. But I knew he was wrong (creepy motherly instincts already kicked in!) Turned out I was pregnant! Doctor – 0, Yana – 1.

Few weeks went by and I decided to go to another doctor. Kat tagged along but when the doctor scanned me, there was no baby. The baby wasn’t there. I felt like someone threw a brick at my face. I felt so hurt, I wondered if it was my fault, I wondered if it disappeared because maybe I hadn’t taken good care of myself. The doctor suggested to wait a while, so we took another blood test and went home feeling worried and dissapointed.

I basically celebrated the entire month of Eid wondering if my baby was with me, if it was real.  I realized during this moment of  uncertainty the best thing I could do was pray. Talking to Him made me realize that I have to be strong no matter what the outcome may be.

The moment you leave it all up to Him and trust Him, you will be more at peace.

True enough, during the next visit, when the doctor scanned my tummy, there it was! My baby was there, Baby Bean is okay! He turned on the sound machine and baby’s heartbeat was so fast and strong and loud! (Yes sayang we heard you loud and proud). I could tell that Joe was about to cry (Jeez, can’t wait till he gets in the labour room) and my mom looked so relieved that everything was okay. Dr smiled at me and said that I had nothing to worry about anymore, everything in my tummy looked perfectly in place and I can pretty much do whatever I want.

Baby Bean, thank you for being so good to me. You’ve been so easy, relaxed and even helped me fast throughout Ramadhan. We’ve been best buddies for 6 months now and I never felt alone because of you.

All of us can’t wait to meet you. Just don’t hurt me too much while you’re coming out okay.

PS: Your dad is convinced that you are already a Manchester United supporter. Good luck eh.

PSS: We’re calling you Baby Bean while you’re still in me because your Aunt Jessie gave you that nickname and I fell in love with it. You’re lucky it isn’t Skywalker or Chewbacca since we’re huge Star War fans.