When I was in early Primary, my relatives performed their Hajj. When they returned there was a huge gathering at another relative’s house for their welcome. It was the best time because I had like 10,000 cousins and this was the time everyone got together. Ah, pre covid days.

While everyone was busy catching up, I realised the relative who came back was arranging all the souveniers on a table. I saw her arranging a line of beautiful gold slippers and I knew it was the for the younger girl cousins because of the size. My heart fluttered in excitment. I was going to get a gold slipper, yay!

As the day progressed, I realised all my girl cousins started to recieve their slippers. I was waiting for my turn, but it soon dawned on me I probably wasn’t getting one. So as we were about to leave, I asked my relative, who came back and arranged all souveniers if I was going to get a pair, she said ‘No you’re not I didn’t buy one for you’.

I left my relatives house feeling absolutely heartbroken. I was just a young girl wishing for the same thing like everyone, not a rebellious teenager demanding for things. I didn’t understand why every single one of my cousins recieved something and I didn’t. Why the alienation? Was it favourtism? Can’t be if only one person didn’t get something. When I went home I told my mom about this and I could tell from her face experssion that she was heartbroken too.

Why am I talking about this incident now? Why 20 plus years later? Why is this such a big deal?

I have been reflecting a lot about values lately. Family, personal, work values etc. A lot has happend in the past year and as a grown adult and a mom, I have been thinking about the values and principles I would like to commit too. Back then when I didn’t get my gold slippers, I vowed that I needed to be generous to everyone, especially to my future nieces and nephews because I was afraid they may feel the way I felt back then. But I realised what happend wasn’t because of the lack of generousity – it was the lack of compassion.

Compassion.

Sometimes when I feel like I am being rejected, left out from something, I find myself feeling like that 9 year old Liyana who never got her gold slippers. I used to feel so sorry for her. But if I do find myself feeling like that Liyana again, I will tell her its okay. She is blessed with many other people who was and will be exemplary in portraying kindness and compassion.

and to my parents, who have never fell short of kindness and compassion, even when all have turned their backs against them and are undeserving of their love, I am thankful for their resilience and their love.