Mondays are the worst for me. It’s horrible for most of us but it’s the day I dread  because that’s when I miss Rauf the most. I look forward for work but separating from Rauf after being with 24 hours during the weekend is just dreadful. Rauf grew 3 inches tall in the past 3 months. He’s wearing more shorts and shirts compared to baby bodysuits. He talks and communicates more now. Cannot stop moving and so mischievous.

Once after eating his dinner, I gave him his sippy cup and he said ‘No’ and pushed my hand. I looked at him in disbelief, ‘Excuse me? What did you just say?

‘No’ Rauf replied

‘No, no, no’ 

Wah, can say no already. Banyak cantik.

Some things make him weak in the knees, like keropok, swimming pools and fish. Anything that lives in the water is called ‘fish’ even if its a lobster or a turtle. Sometimes he calls out for them when we pass them in the groceries store, but because they’re, well, dead I just tell him to wave goodbye and he does it.

He loves fish so much we’re now good friends with the guy that takes care of the live fish and lobsters in Jason’s. We went shopping there one day, Rauf saw the Lobster man and followed the man into the wet kitchen. I had to sit in front of the aquarium staring at soon to be dead fish for 30 minutes thanks to this kid.

Rauf loves his cousin Umar, looks up to him like a rockstar.  He’s also obsessed with my dad and Joe. Calls both of them ‘Dad’. He knows my dad would spoil him. They take selfies every morning and sends it to the family whatsapp group. It comforting to know that he’s loved and  is taken care off when I’m at work.

Sometimes when he’s playing he shouts out ‘Allahu Akbar’.  I catch him doing the hand gestures to his ear and lies down on the floor trying to sujood. I knew he was imitating his dad. He loves watching Joe pray.

Joe is very happy with the fact that Rauf has shown some interest in Golf. I have no comment because I personally find it the most boring game in the face of the earth.

Have I mentioned that I haven’t peed peacefully in almost 2 years?

Likes to read, but doesn’t know how to read yet. Looks promising though.

…yoga too

I on the other hand, am not ‘Mommy’ yet. So far he’s called me ‘Yana’, ‘Bo’ cause Joe affectionately calls me ‘Bebo’ at home and the furthest he would go is ‘ma’. That only happens when he’s desperate for my attention. He also calls me ‘eh’ sometimes #igavebirthtoyourauf.

He can even call my sister ‘Mama Kat’. I mean come on that’s so much harder than Mommy!

But I know he loves me lah. I came home one day and called his name at the door, he screamed ‘Aaaaah’ and ran towards me.

My little peanut has grown into a little boy. Sometimes I can’t believe how big he’s grown. Didn’t I gave birth to him 5 minutes ago? I do get sad and overwhelmed when I know how much I am missing from being away, but I know it’s something I have to do. Joe and I agreed that the only way our children can have the best opportunities in life is if the both of us work and try our best. The guilt grows heavier every day, but we make it up to him during the weekend. At night I realize he’s the happiest when the three of us are on the bed, getting ready to sleep. He sees me and Joe, he starts jumping, singing and hugging us. Sometimes when Joe is away for work and isn’t home till late, he looks at Joe’s pictures and says ‘dad’ repetitively.

Then I give him milk and he totally zonks out, hahaha.

I hope when he grows up he reads this and will treasure the stories we collected for him. Happy growing up my boy, take your time okay, don’t rush. PS RAUF: I am MOMMY, not BO or YANA.