I gotta admit, loud and clear, February was a pretty shitty month for me.

It was awful. I felt like everything wrong that could happened, happened in February. I got my heart broken, betrayed, tested in so many ways and got super annoyed by many things (and people). Helpless. I felt like I was thrown in a position where my voice didn’t matter and I had no right to justify myself.

It got so bad that one day, on the way back home I broke down and cried on Joe’s shoulder, in the LRT train. My heart was just done. I felt like the world was against me. Breaking down is one thing but breaking down in public is a whole other thing. For the first time in a really long time, I felt so low. I thought I’ve been in this situation before but honestly people really don’t realise that things can actually get worse, because it can.

Anyway, why am I telling everyone about my bad month? I am not here to gain any sympathy or convince others that I am the victim, no. I’m here because in  spite of all of this, I was not the only person who had the worst time. In fact, I’m not even close.

As I was sulking over all the problems I was facing, I got to know that my friend had almost died, had to remove one of her Fallopian tubes while the other badly damaged.  Her dreams of giving birth to her own child, shattered.

As I felt sorry for myself, I found out that another friend who is clinically depressed, has to be the breadwinner of her entire family since her mom got sick.

I know we’re not suppose to compare lives but learning this really put things into perspective for me.

We can’t help what others do to us. What they do, is their fault. But we, we are responsible for our own happiness.

That friend who almost died, still has hope in becoming a mother one day, and a wonderful mom I know she will be.

That friend who has to take care of her own family? She made her mark in the industry that she’s in. Everyone wants her.

We went to the beach last weekend, as I held my son’s arms while he tried so hard to walk in the sand, it reminded me that we only grow when we try, if we want too. Sooner or later he won’t want to crawl anymore because he’s learned something new, something better. Aren’t we all like this?

One day when I’m feeling much better I know I’m going to look back and be grateful for that shitty month. It was the month I really took charge of my feelings, it was the month I realised there’s no point letting people’s actions sabotage your happiness.

After all, it’s my happiness. Not theirs. I will do what I want with it, and happy it will be.