A year ago, while my husband was out playing golf, I was at home experiencing labour pain while watching ‘The Crown’. Since that day, I still have not picked up from where I left off with the show and I have yet to sleep longer than 2 solid hours. All in good times, man, all in good times.

But a year ago the most beautiful person entered mine and Joe’s life. Rauf.

Just the other day, I came home really exhausted but Rauf was so excited to see me so I had to play with him, he stood up and I wondered when will he start walking because if he could walk, I no longer have to hold him up while he stands right?

Right, but then it occurred to me, the sooner he walks, the more obvious it is that he growing up way too fast, and I wasn’t so sure if I could accept that or not. I know I can’t, but there’s nothing I can do about it. This kid is growing up and I don’t have the luxury of having a pause button. Oh how I wish there’s a pause button. Maybe he’s reading this one day? I don’t know, but if he is, I want him to know this.

My Rauf,

You’re asleep, you’re wearing that ridiculously cute blue spaceship pyjamas. Your legs are far apart, your mouth is wide open and for the last 10 minutes you cannot stop changing your sleep position. You do this all the time and frankly it’s pushing me and your dad off the bed every night, but we don’t mind sayang, because we know, in time, and soon, you will probably request for your own bed and it will break our hearts in a million of pieces. 

I cannot even begin to tell you, to remind you, to explain to you, how much I love you. You’re the best thing I have ever done. 

You’re current obsession is watching Season 46 of Sesame St. ‘Elmo’s World’ is your favourite segment and you love watching it with your Abang Umar and Mama Kat. 

You know how to react when your dad and I leave for work, you cry harder every day when we bid goodbye and you jump higher everyday when you see us arrive home. 

You love being in the water, I’ve caught you dunking your head in the tub and drinking your bath water many times. Once, when I caught you doing this, you just smiled at me and carried on doing it. Cheeky.

I remember the first time I asked you to kiss me, you kissed your rubber ducky instead. Even though I wished you kissed me, I felt proud because I saw kindness in your eyes and smile. 

Your favourite thing is to eat is keropok.

and yes, you are still obsessed with my boobs (I’m not sorry at all if your friends are reading this).

You get emotional when I put you in your cot, I do that just so that I could go to the toilet. Once, you sat in front of the toilet door and wouldn’t leave until I was done. Funnily though, this made me sad. It made me sad because I know one day, you wouldn’t want to wait for me like that anymore.

I know that sounds selfish, but I have all the right to be as I am your mom. At first I thought it was funny because of how clingy you were, but for all I know your clinginess isn’t here for eternity. Before we know it, I will be the one that is clueless and clingy with you and when that time comes, I hope and pray that you will be patient and loving to me. 

So, Rauf, however fast or long that it will take you to start walking, talking, running, learning, living your life, take your time sweetheart, because from the one year that I’ve had you, the biggest lesson you taught me is to CHERISH time. 

For as long as the moon, the sun and the stars are above us Rauf, I will always, always, always  love you. Happy birthday Sayang. 

Love,

Mommy