2017 was a year filled with drama. Drama that I am thankful for, drama that I hope not to repeat again and drama I will never forget. With the new year just around the corner, I am sure most of us have thought of our resolutions for 2018.

I am no exception. I already have in mind some of the dreams I hope to make come true in the new year. Lately I have been reflecting on my mistakes, I smile for the things I think I did right, I cringe when I remember the embarrassing moments and replay over and over again in my head on what I have learned this year.

What have I learned?

Being a Mom

The biggest and most important thing to happen in my life, happened in 2017, yeah, you guessed it, Rauf. My beautiful son has undoubtedly changed my life for the better. I can finally understand what unconditional love is. Sure, I have not slept since the day he was born but seeing his face, holding him in my arms and kissing his chubby cheeks gives me so much happiness. I get asked by many of my friends how it feels like to be a mom, I often hesitate because it’s a bittersweet/mixed feelings kind of answer but when I think about it again, it’s hard to answer because the feeling is indescribable, and in a good way.

Lesson learned

There’s no such thing as the perfect mom, but there are thousands of ways to be a good one.

Being Married

After going through about 89753945 fights with Joe, I realised that maybe only 99% throughout the entire time that we’ve fought was because of something stupid. Date nights are important, but it’s not as important as communication. What’s even more important than communication? To me, is kindness. We get so used to seeing each other every day, sometimes we take it for granted.

Lesson learned

Comparison is the truly the thief of joy. Try not to compare your relationship with other couples because happiness will NEVER be achieved that way. It’s hard, I know, but as you go on and on about what another couple has, someone in the world is longing desperately for what you already have.

Being a daughter

Nowadays when I get home, I rush inside to see Rauf, shower, have dinner and sleep. Sometimes I cross paths with my parents and by the time I am free again,  they’re already asleep. Even though we live together I feel like I only get to see them properly  during the weekend.

Lesson Learned

If you’re away from your parents, call them. If you live them, see them when you get home. When you were little, they used to do this too when they got home from work, so do the same for them now.  Ask them out for Teh Tarik once in a while or have breakfast together during the weekend. Always make time for them.  As we’re growing older, so are they.

Being a friend

Someone really close to me had a fall out with her\his so called group of friends. This came as a shock because I always had the impression that their friendship was solid.  One of my biggest fear is having friends slowly fading out from my life. I cannot imagine having any fallouts with my of my girlfriends right now, but I guess you can never know what will happen. After all, nothing is permanent.

Lesson Learned

You can be friends with anyone in the world but as much as fate plays a big part in meeting them, so does your effort. If you truly cherish your friendship with someone, or a group of friends, you need to show it.  If you’ve tried your best, and still no response? Then you’re better off without them.

Being in the workforce

I’ve been in the same department at work for almost 5 years now. I realised as time went by, I have to move on somewhere else, for my own motivation and progression. I made some really good friends along the way, but a change is needed when it is due, and it is time.

Lessons Learned

No matter where you go, there will always be gossips, betrayal and office politics, but you don’t have to be part of it. Don’t bitch. Just, don’t. Hear all the gossips all you want, but don’t ever participate in one. If you hear any rumours, take it with a pinch of salt, especially if what you hear is something very personal. Appreciate your work friends, say thanks, learn from your mistakes and always own up to anything you’re responsible for. Have compassion and most importantly, support one another. Not everything is a competition. If you get your reward, say your blessings, if you don’t, be patient my friend because it will come.

Being me

The hardest conversation you can ever have is with yourself, not because it sounds crazy (talking to yourself haha) but admitting that you have some things to work on is not easy. As much as there are so many things I am so grateful for this year, there are still a lot I wish I could have done.

I wish I took care of myself more this year, spoilt myself. I don’t like the way I look. I’ve put on so much weight since giving birth, my self confidence is low, I’m back to wearing my old fat clothes. Sometimes I feel like a failure at work when everyone’s doing so well and I feel like I am stuck and stupid. When something goes wrong at home, I always, always blame myself first. What can I do to stop feeling  bad for myself?

Lesson learned

By realising that as much as there’s a lot to improve, I have to learn to love myself more and to stop complaining. I tried to be the best person I could this year, and I have done that. There’s no point in striving for perfection because it doesn’t exist, but happiness does and it all starts with me, with yourself.

So find something you love and do it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop nagging. Know what motivates you and start from there. Try. If you fail, don’t give up because failure is the best form of learning.

Ah 2017, the year that was. 2017 was a wonderful year for me, I hope it was for you too and I pray that we become better and happier people as we grow older and wiser.

Happy New Year, everybody.