When is it okay to open up the books on ex partners? Should it be opened at all? Would it be better to  never talk about it or should it be shared with someone you think you could  get serious with.

There is no black and white answer for this, no right or wrong, but if you ask me, I think it’s better if partners are honest about their past, and the sooner the better. It’s essential that I need to know who I’m dealing with, I need to know where this person has been (or done – yes, done. Yup I said it).

In fact, here are a few good reasons for you to open up about your ex:

1. Did it before, so probably won’t do it again: Remembering all the stuff you did wrong in your past relationship makes you less motivated to repeat them. In other words, learning your lesson.
2. Talking about the past can give your partner a reality check on who you are –  the REAL you.
3. Builds trust: the more you try to hide something, the more you refuse to open up to your partner, do you think he/she will trust you?

I have been in a situation where I was kept in the dark for months while my partner was still trying to get over his ex, and finally when the truth came out, it broke me. Not only he couldn’t stop thinking about another woman, it took him so damn long to finally have the guts to tell me the truth.

For the many months of being in love with him, thinking that he was in love with me when it actual fact he had his ex girlfriend in his mind the entire time, destroyed me. I felt rejected, replaceable and  I felt like this guy was stuck with me cause his first choice was unavailable (his ex gf had move one with someone else).

I kept replaying it in my head over and over again, blamed myself if there was something I could have done, if it was my fault he took so long getting over that girl, but there wasn’t, because at the end of the day, it was his problem and things could have been dealt in a much better way if he told me the truth, if he opened up the Ex file when he had too.

So I completely understand why many people are sometimes paranoid about ghost of girlfriends and boyfriends past, because I hear about it all the time:

‘My ex cheated on me with his ex’

‘He was still in love with ex, while he was with me’

‘She still talks to him, they’re still close friends’

‘ I don’t want to go there my ex will be there’

But bottom line is, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be and timing is absolutely everything. Be fair to yourself, be fair to your partner, know your worth, be honest and for God sake please do NOT lie. Talking about your past should be acceptable to all. Just remind yourself that you’re flipping the ex file is for the purpose of moving forward, not backward.