‘You took epidural so it was easy’

‘Your baby looks nothing like you’

‘You got fat’

‘So when is the next one’

‘You’re so lazy’

‘Hurry up’

‘Go help around’

‘Don’t complain and stop nagging’

‘When are you going back to the gym’

‘Why is that thing on his face’

I swore I heard Rauf said ‘ma’ the other day.

As I tucked my 7 month old son to bed, I realized how tall he is. Then I remembered  that his first 2 teeth had already started protruding his gums. Now that would explain why he’s been cranky lately.

How is he growing up so fast. Didn’t’ I gave birth to him like, yesterday?

I’ve always been that sort of person who would roll their eyes when people say ‘they grow up so fast’ and ‘better start planning your next kid soon’. It’s cliché, I know but it’s true. Not the part about having the next kid but how fast they really grow.

In just a matter of days he’s personality and likings have changed. Suddenly he’s clapping his hands and tapping my body when I’m holding him. Rauf, you’re going to turn one year old in 5 months and I’m already hyperventilating thinking about it.

Seeing my son grow in a blink of an eye is overwhelming and beautiful but if there is one thing I have neglected since his birth is me.

Being a mom is a lonely thing to do. Even with all the support from your family and friends, it is still very lonely. You’re the only one that gets up at night and you are the only one that everyone looks at when your child is crying. You are also the one everyone questions and criticizes if something they see isn’t quite up to their liking or standard.

Don’t even get me started with the physical pain and changes.

But I love it.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, I learnt not to give a damn about what others think. I know my child best. I know myself best.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, I became tough as hell.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, even though my ass is the size of Jupiter and I know people judge me because I’ve gained weight, my son still loves me unconditionally because of not the way I look but because of how I take care of him.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, I became more demanding. I demand for love, affection and appreciation. I demand my husband to take more candid pictures of me and my son because I get pissed off there’s always more pictures of him and Rauf and very little of me and my son. Hey, I’m raising him too, I want photographs of it so I can look back when I get older.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, I finally know what having a priority is like.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, I realize you can’t blame it on anyone if you don’t see your friends. If your friends love you as much as you think they do, they will put effort in seeing and loving you and your baby.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, my drive to earn a living is more because I want the best for my family.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, I became less judgmental towards my own mother and the decisions she made while raising my sister and I.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, I realize you don’t need that much sleep to survive.

I love it because ever since I became a mom, there is such thing as going home to happiness. After a long shitty day at work and you go home and when this angel smiles at you, everything melts away.

And most of all, I love it because being a mom taught me how to fight. Fight for whatever I believe in, for my rights, for whatever I think is best and for whatever I think is safest for my family.

Honestly, it is not easy being a mother. I don’t know how other moms do it. So if you are one or you know one, be nice to them. They’re already going through a lot on their own, they don’t need more criticisms from people. Just ask how they are and listen if they need to talk. That’s all they really need.

As for my growing son, I really cannot thank him enough for loving me as I am. Thank you Rauf for not judging mommy,  for not talking behind my back and being there when I need you the most. You made me feel beautiful even when I feel like I am the ugliest. You truly are the best form of Rezeki that Allah SWT has ever given me.